On thin girls

So mad when posts disappear

Ordinary girls but they have cheek bones and no sloping giant cheeks that look awkward and shapeless from certain angles when caught off guard by a stealthy camera

Skin perpetually soft pale even without lotion no scales and cracks like the Sahara desert 

No slack skin and flesh that overflows, the curve from waist to hip is always delicate and visible 

Legs that are thin and dainty without the worry of skirts hitting at an unflattering length which makes the calves look stumpy as hocks of ham 

No bust that interrupts the simple constructs of a Madewell shift dress 

They don't have curves they have no depth of beauty but this lack of depth and intrigue makes them versatile 

My dream ordinary life

I wake up at 6:40 and go to sleep at 10:30 

We eat lots of fresh bread crusty and chewy 

In the afternoon we play rounds and rounds of mahjong with sunlight streaming in through the glass sliding doors

We take a nap 

Play in the beach that's behind the house that has the bluest green water sleep in the sand

Read and read and read novel after novel and design books full of pictures and cook books too

Then I woukd make jewelry and other things 

As the night winds down people are talking and laughing in the other room while I look at the pretty things on Pinterest and watch tv 

Blue yellow white are the colors that I see 

Day 50

Finally I am in Taiwan and it's not too hot and it's not too cold just the slightest dampness that hangs in the air

There was an odd but concerned man that sat next to me on the plane worried that I wasn't eating the gross airplane food he ordered ginger ale while I was sleeping and let the cold mini sandwich and ice. Cream melt on my table  as I weaved in and out of consciousness while watching friends

Finally he saw my interest pique at a pack of extra gum and slapped the whole pack in my hand 

Day 48 Dream Diary Post 10

Soaking currants in water

OhohOh little girl how happy I would be if some miracle would win your love for me playing in the background 

I don't remember the rest 

Lots. And lots of Christmas chocolate wrapped in foil on a three tier platter 

A very slow elevator

Buying adidas shoes. An ugly flip flop wedge hybrid 

Babysitting on the beAch a docile bAby sitting under the car she pees everywhere she's so small she fits in the palm of my hand 

Introspection

I want to be friends with everybody even the people I don't respect I want to understand everyone as having a soul I want the empathy and respect of the good apples and the bad apples

It's probably the reason I can't hold a grudge against assholes the second they're nice to me again I want to pretend they're nice people 

Or if people are friendly and want to hang I want to yes even though we don't share the same values and well never be friends longterm 

My time is valuable I need to find people of my intellectual level instead of trying to ingratiate myself with everyone else 

It's not high school middle school college anymore it's not enough to spend a shitload of time together a friendship that does not equate

Creative Exercise No. 42 on the magnitude of fame

Living in New York, the center of pseudo sophisticated fashion entertainment culture, where it's easy to become someone when a friend of a friend and so on knows you, and as long as you have the right connections you can walk into Vogue a subway ride away, it's hard to gauge whether the people I'm following are famous famous or just New York famous.
Man Repeller, Lena Dunham, Mindy Kaling, and a host of designers, sure they're sprinkled across the top fashion and lifestyle magazines as persons of interest, have thousands of followers on Instagram, their own shows on major networks, but i still wonder, does the average American Joe consider them a household name?



Sent from my iPhone

Day 41

Why am I prone to feel like I alternate between unrelenting busyness and swathes of boredom 

Is there no middle ground sir 

I need to escape yes I do

Creative Exercise 37 Adventures in Babysitting

Toddlers are so so cute.  Duh.  But seriously, I can't stand it.

Even when they're mad, the way they try to articulate their anger verbally, the words sound so formal in their little mouths.

The 2 year old middle sister I sometimes babysit, even when she's angry because her sister is being mean to her, she doesn't always fight back physically, she just sticks her tongue out and blows a raspberry.

The other day she was so angry because her sister was kicking her doll's stroller, she dropped the glass cup of water on the table and ran to berate her sister in tears in deliberate words she uses, no contractions, simultaneously livid yet trying to form her mouth around language.

That is not nice _____!
I do not like you anymore____!

Even though at the moment I was slightly frantic, worried she broke the glass ( she didn't), mopping up the spilled water with measly paper towels, worried their screaming woke up their napping baby sister

The situation was quickly assuaged (just as suddenly as it started) with promises of Extra gum spearmint flavor.

Creative Exercise 36 On Hot Chocolate

I Love Love Love Hot Chocolate.  

The batter-thick Lavazza version that is essentially quite literally a melted chocolate bar

the malty marshamallow tinted version that more closely resembles its Mexican ancestor

But what is so special about hot chocolate? what distinguishes it from other chocolate products?

What makes it feel homey and soothing in a way that a chocolate chip cookie isn't quite the same?

It's hot.  But so is chocolate lava cake

You hold the warm cup in your hands 

It's liquid, like a chocolate soup, that is hot from the second it touches your tongue all the way until it slides down your esophagus to your stomach 

The psychological-physiological link where it feels like it literally warms your body and your soul 

Even though you can drink it anytime, it's nostalgic association with nasty weather makes it feel all the more cozy 

Creative Exercise No. 35 Twitter Joke Templates

if it's done well, I don't care how many times I see these formats.  Otherwise, give it a rest.

1.  The fake quote
some do it better than others
@meganamram "I see people." - The Fifth Sense
@willyferrell Thats what - She
@aparnanapkin "omgomgomg"-squirrels

 ‏@dubstep4dads "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!" - an over informative server at a restaurant

@jondaly "Imagine" - John Lennon
@aparnanapkin "Fake it till you make it"-moustaches
@aparnanapkin "pepsi ok?" -terrible 9-1-1 operator
@aparnanapkin "um TMI"-bad interrrogator
@aparnanapkin "Please, you have to believe me!"-Religion
@meganamram "Hey, my face is UP HERE and also OVER HERE"-oma in Picaso painting
@meganamram "My name is Kid Rock"-Kid Rock
@meganamram "Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in a woman's body"-Russian nesting doll
@BrennanLM "The world is full of hateful bigots! Do you want to see twelve pictures of hot coccoa?"--Tumblr
@totallymorgan "Oh tis old thing?"-me being awful about my grandpa


1.5. related: the fake definition
@meganamram Plastic Surgery = tailoring your birthday suit
@meganamram Blushing = face boner
@meganamram Noah's flod= God clearing his browser history


2. using a serious source to ask a rhetorical question

@robdelany is a frequent user
@robdelany @tedcruz "What is 'Medica debt has drive many of my constituents to suicide?"
@robdelany@FoxNews It's enough that Obama had Mandela killed for saying mean thingsa bout his website, but now he's taking selfies at his funeral??
@robdelany@BarackObama @petsmart I think I have vagina dentata but in my butt
@meganamram @rupertmurdoch I loved the sixth sense
@nataliesurely @Pampers how can i meet hot single babies in my area


3. retweeting people in a facetious manner. Could be regular people complaining, could be Justin Bieber.  The interesting thing about this tactic is that this joke doesn't involve any material of your own, but rather the appropriation of others. You're funny because you've recognized ____is funny. Like the twitter, written word, version of a Warhol painting.

People retweeting Justin Bieber saying Hi
People retweeting Amanda Bynes' crazy antics


4.  The one word punchline.
@kellyoxford has frequent examples

@AntiJokeCat Don't you hate it when you're reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.
@mzeld Thank you god for the gift of eyes because TV.
@mzeld I am very tech savvy. For example: megabytes