Listening to the Marc Maron Podcast, to Terry Gross, I'm comforted that other people are just as neurotic and over-analytical like me.
But it's so nice to not give a shit about what other people think.
I used to kill myself over goodbyes, how they were never adequate enough to say everything touching and poignant in time. Or if the other person seemed to give an emotionless goodbyes, or they thought I was weird because my goodbye was weird, and I ruined all chances of a friendship because I revealed how weird I am.
I used to feel bad that I wouldn't be invited to things by friends (and family) who thought that it was perfectly nice to talk to me one-on-one, but wasn't cool enough to be seen with in public. But now I'm just like fuck you, you're a piece of shit for using me like that.
I used to be scared that I'd say the wrong opinion, that I hated that movie, that I'm ambivalent about Hilary Clinton's morals, but then I realized that if one strike is three strikes, I lost long before the game started.
I realized, when the door closes, nobody is thinking wow Kristy's really weird. And even if they are, what is the worst thing that can happen? What happens? I kick myself out of a job opportunity? Honestly that's the worst thing that can happen. Though I do think that I'm strong enough that my strengths overpower my weirdness. Mostly. Yeah I still have stuff to work on.
You know what's still awkward though, going in for a hug and then wimping out at the last second.
And obviously, I'm so self-conscious and over-analytical because I'm so hard on everyone else.
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