People who've called me fat

In a matter of fact way, not to purposefully hurt me, which is somehow more troubling.  I can't brush them off as if they were a catty middleschooler. Cuz MAYBE THE SPEAKETH THE TRUTH


1. My Mom
2. My host mom in Costa  Rica
3. My Hand her mom
3. My Grandma
4. My Uncle
5. My friend
6. My dad
7. My cousin

I understand the non-western mentality that commenting on someone's weight isn't supposed to be a great insult, it's supposed to be merely an observation not tied to worth.  But somehow it is.  Especially when some of the people live in America and have absorbed western social decorum, they have internalized the ideals that weight is tied to ego. And it is anyways.  Even if we overemphasize how horrible it is to be fat and ugly, it's never your place to comment on anything of someone else unsolicited.  Unsolicited advice is never good.

And so it doesn't come from a place of observation, it comes from a place of busy-bodying.  Sometimes it comes from a place of wanting to comment and fix other people because you're so fucked up inside.  You spew out critiques of other people to scratch your itchy unsettled heart. LOL.


**it says something that I've placed this on my blog that nobody reads but a blog nonetheless.  Why does it have to be on a public space? Am I hoping that a stranger will empathize? A stranger that doesn't know my family so they can't say how horrible they are because even though they've hurt my feelings I don't want other people to judge them.

Jewelry Wish List

From Miansai

From Bittersweets NY

From Iwona Ludyga 

From Scosha

From Jill Platner

Emotional State

Cried after realizing I was 12 minutes too late to order a lobster roll for delivery because they closed at 8.

After a slightly annoying day--the kind with little prickly annoyances that build up, I lost it.

And it was like fuck, how much was a suppressing that missing the deadline for ordering dinner made me break down and cry? Did my fucking boss annoy me that much?

Fuck it was like that time that I  had to deal with asshole customers and I thought my manager saw me yell at a co-worker (who deserved it) and thinking about it the whole time and a manager asking if I was ok and then finally crying when another manager asked me if I was ok.  And I wasn't.  I fucking wasn't.

How can I stop bottling emotions if I don't even know I do it?  Until it's too late?

I am like that magical negro in green mile, but in a bad way, I soak up other people's feelings to things and then react the same way they do.

People to Contact

Marion Fasel

Of A Kind

In Detail

Tiffany & Co.

Man Repeller

Stuff I've Learned

Listening to the Marc Maron Podcast, to Terry Gross, I'm comforted that other people are just as neurotic and over-analytical like me.

But it's so nice to not give a shit about what other people think.

I used to kill myself over goodbyes, how they were never adequate enough to say everything touching and poignant in time.  Or if the other person seemed to give an emotionless goodbyes,  or they thought I was weird because my goodbye was weird, and I ruined all chances of a friendship because I revealed how weird I am.

I used to feel bad that I wouldn't be invited to things by friends (and family) who thought that it was perfectly nice to talk to me one-on-one, but wasn't cool enough to be seen with in public.  But now I'm just like fuck you, you're a piece of shit for using me like that.

I used to be scared that I'd say the wrong opinion, that I hated that movie, that I'm ambivalent about Hilary Clinton's morals, but then I realized that if one strike is three strikes, I lost long before the game started.

I realized, when the door closes, nobody is thinking wow Kristy's really weird. And even if they are, what is the worst thing that can happen? What happens? I kick myself out of a job opportunity? Honestly that's the worst thing that can happen.  Though I do think that I'm strong enough that my strengths overpower my weirdness. Mostly.  Yeah I still have stuff to work on.

You know what's still awkward though, going in for a hug and then wimping out at the last second.

And obviously, I'm so self-conscious and over-analytical because I'm so hard on everyone else.

I Don't Fuck With You

Warning, teenage rant ahead.

maybe it's crazy to finally come to this realization at the ripe old age of 24, but I finally have a modicum of self-esteem that I don't care what assholes think about me.


Okay, if I'm being obnoxious, rude, or a downright asshole myself, I will take heed (or I should take heed).

But if you don't like me because of my voice, I'm ugly,  I smell, you think I'm dumb, I'm lame, whatever.  Fuck you, I don't fuck with you, I don't give a fuck about you.  Because if you're asshole enough to voice this opinion to your "friends" you're broken inside. I don't want to deal with you anyway.


And fuck the "friends" that tell me their "friends" don't like me.

I remember there was this one asshole girl (who was a friend, but also mad insecure running her mouth about everyone) who was like I heard some bad things about you Kristy, and they were so mean *fake concerned laugh* they were so mean...

And because I had no self-confidence, it sent my stomach spinning imaging what people are saying about me--the worst things I could think about myself...shit did other people thing it too? Notice it too? Fuck!  And so I tried to play it cool but then I nagged her and nagged her trying to guess who it was while she just shook her head like the martyr she pretended to be...I fell right into her trap.


But now, I don't care.  I'm short, so what? I'm Asian, so what? I have a high, soft, voice, so what? I'm an awkward weirdo, so what? If I'm trying, or if it's not anything I can change, I don't give a fuck what you think.


That's not to say an insult doesn't sting.  Of course my feelings are still hurt if you say any I'm socially awkward, my face messed up.  But I'm able to recognize that my feelings are hurt, and let it wash it over me, and know that the insulter is more fucked up than the insultee, and that this too soon shall pass.

Food Dreams

fried cinnamon french toast triangles

tuna and salmon tartar

Food Dreams

1. Nilla Wafer Banana Pudding
2. Neon Blue BlueBerry Bagel

Ugly Jewelry

I like a lot of Finn Jewelry's cheekiness, but these pieces really rub me the wrong way.

There's nothing special about them, and that's one annoying thing.  But the color of the gold matched with the particular color of the emeralds make them look especially like something from Macy's.  or Kay's Jewelers.

Rah-Rah Feminism

An over zealous bone-breaking  handshake declaring WE ARE FRIENDS

But like most instances of denial, it only brings attention to the undercurrent of competition, of the belief in a zero-sum game.  But the fact that women have to support other women is the other extreme of the same side of the sexism coin.  Not being friends does not have to equate being enemies. Supporting another woman for the mere fact that she is one still undermines her identity and accomplishments as a human, period. Sarah Palin does not equate Hilary Clinton.

It's cliched because it's true

It's the season of warm apple cider

Cider donuts

Hot showers that fog up the mirrors where you meditavely use sea scrubs 

Warm soft blankets and hot cocoa 

Llbean catalogs full of homely goods like cushy slippers and hand cranked popcorn machines 

Short bread cookies

Beanies

My boss says you have to find your niche and sometimes you have to whore yourself out a little.  Maybe you've moved on aesthetically, but your clients haven't.

My Most Successful Pieces

1. Pearl Necklace Ring

2.  Ear Earrings

3.  Ear Ring

4. Ear Ring Large

5. Monsieur Stack Set


------

New Iterations

1. White Diamond Necklace Ring
2. Ruby Diamond Necklace Ring Oxidized
3. Fancy White Diamond Necklace Ring in Rose Gold
4. Gray Diamond Necklace Ring in Rose Gold
5. Black Diamond Necklace Ring in Rose Gold
6. Violet Gemstone Necklace Ring Ombre (Dark Violet to Light )
7.  Red Gemstone Necklace Ring (Dark Red to Light Red)
8.  Orange Gemstone Necklace Ring (Dark Orange to Light Orange)
9. Yellow Gemstone Necklace Ring (Dark Yellow to Light Yellow)
10.  Green Gemstone Necklace Ring (Dark Green to Light Green)
11. Blue Gemstone Necklace Ring (Dark Blue to Light Blue)
12.  Black Gemstone Neckalce Ring (Black to White)
13. Three Colors: Red Orange Yellow
14. Three Colors: Orange Yellow Green
15. Three Colors: Green Yellow Purple
16. Three Colors: Red Purple Blue
17. Sea Wave: Green, Blue, Green Blue

Desperate people are like viruses

They start of consistent, a nagging thorn, until they finally exhaust themselves and fade away.


But if there's ever a recurrence, it's stronger than ever.