Romanticizing Domesticity

Reading Man Repeller's book Seeking Love, Finding Overalls  (pleasantly surprised by the sincerity and intelligence of the sentimentality in comparison to her adjective-heavy blog prose) and Watching Sex and the City from season 1 has me craving comfort and meaning in earthly objects versus to the dull emptiness I feel when staring into the bottomless galactic chasm that swallows us.

To feel a thrill from picking up a well-crafted (if perhaps impractical for the dog-shit/salt seasoned streets of New York) shoe from Bergdorf's or Miu Miu.  To have your mom inquire that you shop for clothes and make jewelry and read about jewelry and bake cakes like it's your job (because it kind of is). To create for fun, how awesome is that? It's like license to be a kid.

Dream Diary Post 3

I dreamed that I was in this airy restaurant Somewhere in Europe there was a spiraling wooden staircase and the interior wall of the front was this fresh green, throughout the restaurant were touches of ivy and other hints of botany (but no flowers).  I sat down to eat upstairs a plate of something or other (there were vegetables nd there was rice it was all bite-sized) on a square table with a white tablecloth and then I feel asleep.  And I woke up with my cheek to the mattress of a single-sized bed with dark mahogany headboard, the set up was not unlike a Dickensian dormitory or hospital.  I stood up, it was 10:00 in the morning, I walked down the stairs in the front and looked at the giant arched window above the door and the sunlight streaming in.  It was beautiful, but I felt out of place, alone and somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.  Like when I'm in a department store and notice a shelf of beautiful teapots and I want to marvel, but it's fleeting and tainted because the rest of the party is barreling ahead.

I am so clumsy

As a stocky five footer, I'm as clumsy as a gangly growing boy.  I regularly run into door jambs, trip and roll my ankle in flat-soled shoes and stub my toe on the side of the bed or couch or tub.

Just in the last couple days I:

Somehow swung a grocery bag holding a casserole squarely into the side of the car door, splitting the casserole dish in two with an impressive clang

slammed the front door on my finger nail

fell on the stairs in such a way that the my shins fell directly on the sharpest part of the  brick stairs

pulled a wastebasket towards me too quickly so that the bottom edge flew straight to my already bruised shin bones.

***

I think shortly after I typed this I slammed the front door on the nail of my index finger.

American Chinese Food

I have a serious craving. And with oily heartburn inducing delicacies that never actually appear at our dinner table (filled with Asian Chinese food) it's as escapist to me as any non-chinese cuisine.

Watching show after show romanticizing greasy chinese food as a comfort to a rainy day, a tired day, a heartbroken day.  Chopsticks fishing straight into the soggy paper boxes.  From sex and the city to big bang theory to Seinfeld.  I am so hungry.

Spring Rolls
Egg Drop Soup
Pork Fried Rice
Kunpao Chicken
fried dumplings
Lo Mein

Dream Diary Post 2

Just a sliver...

I dreamed I had laid out an apple cinnamon donut in the window of a storefront on top of a paper towel.  I was eating something else as well but I can't remember what it was.
The donut was actually pretty good, which surprises me everytime because my anticipation for apple-cinnamon flavored things is less than enthusiastic, but before finishing it I wanted to warm it in the microwave...

 My friend was holding some sort of a meeting in some sort of cafeteria...they were serving free Indian food, I was very excited, I had to pick up some papers, everyone else there was there for an important meeting, I don't know why I was there...I was trying to think of a reason, trying not to be annoyed that I wasted a subway swipe coming down to the cafeteria..thinking about the free food, hoping it would be redemption enough for the $2.50 I spent...

Life Is a Bitch and Then You Die/Youth Is Wasted On the Young

When you're a kid you beg to stay awake and then when you grow up there's not enough hours in the day to stay curled up in your blanket

When yor're a kid they beg you to eat coaxing you with kid food and everything, even a chicken nugget or some ice cream, sushi, anything, and then you grow up and all of a sudden you do have an appetite but you're constantly being told stop...STOP

Getting clothes as a present used to be the worst thing ever, and then you grow up and realize how fucking awesome not paying for clothes is

 I used to never know what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas whenever adults would ask...and now I could list a billion of things I want but no one asks anymore

They should make

They should make a timer that starts ticking right after you've emailed a potential employer and anyone else that you need something from, counting down to the next time you can email them without sounding like a desperate prick.  For the first two emails the timer would start ticking down from 1 week.  But after that the clock jumps to 2 weeks, or 2.5 weeks, or 3 weeks (I haven't decided).  Long enough that they forget the last time you contacted them, so it doesn't feel like you JUST sent them an email, but short enough that they remember who you are.


Applying for jobs is a bitch.

Asking for a favor from someone who doesn't see any personal benefit from helping you ('cause who does shit out of the good of their heart anymore), is a bitch.