1. It's survival of the fittest, and I feel like I can barely catch my breath
2. Being an entrepreneur is a hustle all the time (no shit, but it's just what's on my mind)
3. Things, delicate things, do they mean anything?
4. Is my life worth more than a cockroach's? To me, yes. But isn't a cockroach's life worth a lot to a cockroach? How would I like to be ended with a smash
5. Every now and then in blows my mind that you can just walk into a book store, read the books, and then leave. Imagine if you can do that in a mattress store.
6. I really can't remember if I watched You've Got Mail in the theaters, or I just heard about other people watching in theaters, pictured myself watching it in the theater, and then memory and imagination blurred after the passage of time
7. There are some people that are so impressively good at tearing down my new experiences and accomplishments that I was so purely excited about before and making them seem absolutely pathetic. Except I've learned to take it in stride and give less of a shit about what they say. One of my bosses (that sounds like such a major word, he technically was my boss, but I always feel like that word is reserved for the corporate world) once told me that you don't have to let anybody make you feel bad about yourself. And like everything, I think it's half true half not. I feel like sometimes you shouldn't stand for bullshit, but sometimes, you should act like the person isn't even worth your time. In a way, it's true, they win if they make you feel crappy.
And also, I now give them the benefit of the doubt that they don't totally understand what I'm doing.
8. I don't want to be a people pleaser. I don't want to fake smile and fake laugh at your jokes. But I can't help it. The silence is too awkward for me and I feel like I should throw you a bone. This is not a humble brag, I won't even pretend it's compassion. I do it not for your sake, but mine, I don't want you to hate me, even though I don't respect you. Why can't I be like that girl who doesn't even smile when you utter a lame punchline, who barely gives recognition that she heard it? I want to be like January Jones, stoic and confident, unaccommodating to pandering efforts to feign camaraderie and small talk. A lot of people think she's a stone cold bitch, which seems a little bit true sometimes in interviews when it's obvious she feels her character's competitive relationship with others as if they were her own. But I think she's mostly just a genuine person who isn't easily pleased and eager to please, which in turn force people to make a greater effort to get into her good graces.
9. Are people inherently good or bad? I don't think there is such thing as an opaque evil person. Or rather, people do malicious evil things, but I don't think they feel inherently evil. They perhaps have an impulsive uncontrollable urge to do bad things, but I do not think they derive any true pleasure from it other than a temporary dopaminic high. On the flip side, I think that this means that people are fully responsible for their actions. For all intents and purposes, to do evil is to be evil, regardless of the nature of your soul.
10. I am not very eloquent, and my thoughts and become entangled with my tongue resulting in a incoherent dithery string of "words." Especially when someone asks, so what is it that you want to do?
11. I think I would probably "win" the marshmallow experiment. Not because I don't mind delayed gratification (which I'm only sometimes good with), but rather because I'm so fearful of authority
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