Shoe Swear (off)/Comma Splice?

Never Shall I wear

1. Crocs (Uh DUH. You know there's something wrong with them when they don't even look cute on a baby. No, not even the less hideous styles. And they're not even that comfortable)

2. Uggs (Slightly harder since they're so much more widely accepted by the masses. Trends are trends for a reason--but still no, I still firmly believe that they should not be worn by anyone unless he/she lives in an igloo. And who are they trying to bullshit with their newer, "chic" styles? Not gonna work without a brand repackage my friend. Oh, I'm sorry, did I give you hope? Nope, don't even try)

3. CRUGGS (not really a vow, never have and never will have the remotest tinge of longing to wear those "shoes"--can you believe they're selling them at Macy's? Seriously, who's Macy's tryin' to kid? Are they supposed to be gag gifts?

4. Birkenstocks (Ugly Ugly Ugly don't understand why would you buy an ugly shoe that gets rattier with age--and not a cool "worn-in look"--more like "foot-fungus-has-completely-established-residency-here-and-will-never-ever-ever-move-out" look. And what makes it worse is, it doesn't even know it's ugly, I mean maybe it would be foot-worthy if it was flamboyantly proud-of-it ugly (sorry Cruggs, doesn't apply to you), but no, it thinks it's cool-kids-table worthy. Step back (haha pun) kids... don't even try)